The War on Fire

Yesterday some stupid fuck driving a tanker full of bombs crashed into the Bay Bridge and made Arnold Swarzhenehagenenrger declare a State of Emergency in Caleefornya.

Today the Eastern Market, some historical grocery store in D.C. burned down. The library at Georgetown University caught fire.

I burned my tongue on hot coffee and I might have athlete's foot, too (they're close, fuck you).

IS IT A COINCIDENCE THAT THE NAZI'S USED FIRE TO DESTROY BOOKS TOO?

Since the dawn of modern man we have used fire to fuel society. Haven't we had enough? Can't you see that radical combustionism is destroying western culture? We spend so much money trying to fight fire, trying to prevent it and plan for it. Our flame-enabling culture has even given way to this abomination:


look at his soulless eyes!

It's time to lead the charge. We must eliminate fire completely. It is the only way we will truly be safe.

I'll start you on the first source in the axis of evil: oxygen

ok go!