5.01.2007
The War on Fire
Yesterday some stupid fuck driving a tanker full of bombs crashed into the Bay Bridge and made Arnold Swarzhenehagenenrger declare a State of Emergency in Caleefornya.
Today the Eastern Market, some historical grocery store in D.C. burned down. The library at Georgetown University caught fire.
I burned my tongue on hot coffee and I might have athlete's foot, too (they're close, fuck you).
IS IT A COINCIDENCE THAT THE NAZI'S USED FIRE TO DESTROY BOOKS TOO?
Since the dawn of modern man we have used fire to fuel society. Haven't we had enough? Can't you see that radical combustionism is destroying western culture? We spend so much money trying to fight fire, trying to prevent it and plan for it. Our flame-enabling culture has even given way to this abomination:
look at his soulless eyes!
It's time to lead the charge. We must eliminate fire completely. It is the only way we will truly be safe.
I'll start you on the first source in the axis of evil: oxygen
ok go!
Today the Eastern Market, some historical grocery store in D.C. burned down. The library at Georgetown University caught fire.
I burned my tongue on hot coffee and I might have athlete's foot, too (they're close, fuck you).
IS IT A COINCIDENCE THAT THE NAZI'S USED FIRE TO DESTROY BOOKS TOO?
Since the dawn of modern man we have used fire to fuel society. Haven't we had enough? Can't you see that radical combustionism is destroying western culture? We spend so much money trying to fight fire, trying to prevent it and plan for it. Our flame-enabling culture has even given way to this abomination:
look at his soulless eyes!
It's time to lead the charge. We must eliminate fire completely. It is the only way we will truly be safe.
I'll start you on the first source in the axis of evil: oxygen
ok go!
The Agitator
When I'm cleaning my bong, I like to use isopropyl alcohol and rock salt. See, the salt breaks up all the shit on the inside that's hard to reach. But between cleanings, it's probably not a good idea to put rock salt in the water when you're using the bong.
Former Senator Gravel is the salt.
This man called out the military industrial complex, the other candidates on their hollow i'm-tough-too rhetoric, the democrats for their spineless faggotry on withdrawing from Iraq, and he told us that maybe it's time America started treating the rest of the world as equals instead of pions.
It's like grandpa Simpson, Al Sharpton, and Ross Perot rolled into one salty bastard who's decided it's better to burn out than fade away.
I'm in love.
Former Senator Gravel is the salt.
This man called out the military industrial complex, the other candidates on their hollow i'm-tough-too rhetoric, the democrats for their spineless faggotry on withdrawing from Iraq, and he told us that maybe it's time America started treating the rest of the world as equals instead of pions.
It's like grandpa Simpson, Al Sharpton, and Ross Perot rolled into one salty bastard who's decided it's better to burn out than fade away.
I'm in love.
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